Leaving

I just came back from Pico, my favorite coffee shop in Glasgow, where Gavin and Michael, my favorite baristos, gave me a Christmas card to send me off.  "Wishing you a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!" it says.  "Was a pleasure serving you coffee.  Remember to visit--weekly!  Much Love, Gav (xxx) and Michael (xxx)"  They told me to come in tomorrow to get a free cup of coffee before I leave.  I almost started crying there and then in the coffee shop.  Who knew that little old Caitlin, the shy American who used to whisper her coffee orders, would be missed?  It's so reassuring to know that I've accomplished my biggest goal here: to make a home for myself and to touch people's lives, even if it's just for a few months.  I think that if someone told me to, I could definitely do this for a whole year.  It's nice to feel like I have another home to come back to.  Maybe I'll be back here after I graduate.  We will see.

I will miss traveling so much.  Paris was beautiful, sparkly, wonderful--all the things people tell you it is.  I got an email from Steve Wright (my English professor/advisor/hero) this morning in response to a letter I sent him.  He told me about his travels in Europe that always made him feel like "the bravest person walking."  I have never heard a phrase that more aptly described the way I feel when I travel.  In Paris, I was all by myself, speaking French, navigating the subway system, taking pictures on frigid bridges, and ducking into cafés for good bread and good cheese.  I had no one but myself to guide me, and that was empowering.  I really did feel like the bravest person walking down the street.  It makes me feel like I could go anywhere and do anything as long as I have a map.

Now it's about thirty hours until I leave.  Haven't packed a thing, feeling overwhelmed with sadness and excitement.  My mom told me that she had a hard time studying in Switzerland when she was in college, but she vividly remembers crying on the train ride to the airport on her last day.  I have a feeling that's where I'm headed, but hopefully I'll be able to delay the waterworks until my plane ride home.