Whore-o-ween

I've been on a quest to find an awesome Halloween costume.  I found a pretty sweet space suit in Edinburgh for £25, but resisted buying it because, as Sarah reminded me, that actually means I'd be spending $50 on a costume.  I love shopping, but am forced to temper my consumerist urges when I shop with Sarah, as she usually is quick to remind me what the 

actual price is in dollars.  Our conversations might sound something like this: I'll say, "Look at this gold lamé space suit!  It's only twenty-five pounds!"

"Fifty bucks?"

"No, twenty-five pounds.  I mean, sh*t."

In retrospect, I probably should have bought the costume because I ended up obsessing over it for days afterwards.  I looked for it online, but to no avail.  I did, however, come across some of the most sexist, misogynistic costumes I've ever seen, deemed "sexy" (read: "for women only"). Here are the winners, in order of grotesqueness:

1.  http://www.frightcatalog.com/Halloween-Costumes/Sexy+Straight+Jacket+Costume-1109128/

Does this come with a gag too?  Can't have a slave to man without something to shut dem bitches up, am I RIGHT? And while you're at it, give McCain a ring.  Something tells me he'd be into it.

2.http://www.buycostumes.com/Doll-Box-Adult-Costume/31701/ProductDetail.aspx

Oh, I'm sorry: is that a person?  Not that it matters, but you might want to punch some holes in the box, just in case the thing inside happens to be a living and breathing human.  You never know!

3.  http://www.brandsonsale.com/ca-012616.html

$39.99 for a hot wife??  WHAT A BARGAIN!  Hope she comes with wheels!

4.  http://www.yandy.com/Tina-Taxi-Cab-Driver.php

This one may be bumped up to the top, simply because it is so hideous.

I'm not even blaming American culture, as it no longer seems relevant; the war against women is universal.  I go to the gym every day and am forced to watch half-naked, nearly gaseous models groping men in suits on television--women literally stripping on screen.  Women all over the world are being dehumanized, and it gets worse every day.  In the past year, I've become increasingly interested in igniting what I perceive as the second Women's Liberation Movement.  No more "It's Okay to Be Slutty Days" like Halloween, no more scantily clad women in the media that encourage men to see us as merely hollow fleshpots, and finally, no more random hookups and one-night stands that make men think it's okay to abuse the most sacred of our anatomy.

I'm going to be an astronaut for Halloween--Sally Ride, to be specific.  Sarah is dressing as Amelia Earheart.  Women in flight, y'all: we takin' over.

This semi-political message approved by Sally Ride.